


Baby Makes Three

by Cicadaemon



Category: Utopia (TV 2013)
Genre: Im taking all the rom-com tropes and shoving them into a sack then beating them to death, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Torture, Implied/Referenced Violence, Kidnapping, Road Trips
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-01
Updated: 2018-08-01
Packaged: 2019-06-19 20:27:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15517929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cicadaemon/pseuds/Cicadaemon
Summary: What happens when you take a professional murderer, an apathetic student and a literally baby and make them go on a surprisingly mundane road trip in order to extort some rich guy?Apparently this.





	Baby Makes Three

**Author's Note:**

> So a bit of back story, I'm normally very against writing character/oc but this is going to be the exception. On July 31st 2018 I woke up in a cold sweat from a dream I had about Lee. Basically Lee and I were on a road trip and we had a baby (not related) with us. He did something to the baby (spoilers) that has haunted me all day.
> 
> This was written with some push from my friends (?) and I regret nothing

“Where did you get that baby?”

The baby looked as babies should. Round face, chubby cheeks and a constipated look. This baby was fine and was by all accounts definitely a baby. What made this a suspicious baby was not the baby itself but the person holding the baby. She looked to the baby and wondered how many times baby could be read before it became overly annoying. The answer was ten.

“Oh, you know.”

“No, I don’t.”

The man smiled or whatever the hell that expression was. She could never be sure. The man looked human, ‘acted’ human and was by all accounts a human, just like the baby (eleven), but she knew better than to trust any sort of expression, actions or breath from him. A smile could be anything.

“Well,” his voice was as it always was, chipper and slightly annoying. “That sounds like problem you’ll have to solve on your own. On our way now.”

He walked past her, a sort of weird swagger holding the very fresh human. The swagger could be linked to the fact that this human like bastard had gotten shot (so he said) and was now partial paralyzed (so he said). Leandra knew better than to trust this.

How did she end in this situation? How did she end up in the parking lot of a Tesco with a (probable) sociopath and a baby (twel- I’ll stop now)? It was very simple. She had no idea was the simple answer. Too much fuckery and a whole lot of blood was a less simple answer. Either way she was here now. Why not continue. There’s no question mark because this was not a question she asked herself, but rather a statement. Why not. Fuck it all.

She followed him to the car. Looking at him something dawned on her. Leandra figured she’d never lose him in a crowd, his bright yellow suit clashed yet complimented their environment. He was like a beacon of gaudiness. As they neared the car she realized they didn’t even have a baby seat. He must have realized a flaw in his plan as he looked around wildly for a second and then turned to her. The baby made a gurgling sort of noise, or it had just shit itself.

“If your planning on stealing a baby,” Leandra’s voice was not like his. “We need supplies. Do you know what babies need?”

“Of course I know what babies need-“

“Well I’ll hold the thing as you drive us to the nearest baby store. I’ll google the location of the closest one.”

The drive was in silence except for the sounds the kid made. The shopping was quick. She made the man (she hadn’t even asked his name) hold the baby as she walked about and threw what they needed into the cart.

“Wouldn’t it be better if we put the baby into the baby seat thing in the cart,” He had asked at a point. She scoffed.

“No cause the baby can’t support it’s head. If you’re stealing babies you can at least carry the physical and emotional burden together.”

No snarky reply was given, and he continued to follow her about. When they got to the cash, the lady made small talk.

“Oh, wow this is a lot! Last minute shopping before you bring the Tyke home for the first time?” The woman’s voice was more annoying than his. Leandra forced a smile.

“Oh, well we’re getting doubles for my parents.”

“Oh, that’s so sweet. Shall I double bag this?”

“Please.”

The woman didn’t stop there.

“Such a quiet baby. How old?”

“Just born,” He spoke up. “You know how hospitals are nowadays. They send the mums home so fast.”

“Oh, I know! Well it’s good to get the little one accustomed to its new home.”

Didn’t stop.

“You two look like great parents so far. I’m sure you’ll do amazing.”

The fact that it looked as though this was _their_ baby hit her like a ton of bricks. She wasn’t given the chance to respond before the man did so for her.

“Thanks,” Quick. No wit. No classic British humour that 15-year-old girls like to go on about on the Internets. Just thanks.

“What’s the baby’s name?”

Leandra look to him and he looked to her. He gave a quick smile and looked to the cashier. “Brandy. Her name is Brandy. Like the song.”

“So pretty!” The woman finally shut up and packed the last of what was needed into one last bag. “Good luck and have a great day!”

-

The motel staff seemed dated at best and the motel room seemed apathetic at best. Or was it the other way around? Either way Leandra took one look at the one bed and felt as though she had been thrown in to a terrible rom-com. An international student, a sociopath and a baby on one weird road trip to god knows where and god knows why. Besides the implications of the one bed (this man didn’t sleep at all being the implication), she was sure the bedding hadn’t been washed and was covered with the fluids of politicians renting out seedy rooms to get their rocks off on whores 20 years younger than their wives. That or someone died in this bed.

The baby was sleeping, a makeshift bed was the carrier they bought. Studying the thing she could tell that he had lied. The child was older. Maybe 4 months or so. She doubted he told the truth about the name, but she hadn’t questioned it when he never gave her his name. Which was a convenient thing to remember as he walked back into the room.

“What is your name,” She asked.

“Lee,” He replied.

“My name is Leandra that’s very close-“

“I know I made a comment about it to my employer when she told me.”

They stood there for a second. In his work hand was a bag. Neon green.

“Are you going to kill me now?” She asked. Or rather she tempted. Killing her would be interesting.

He smiled, “Normally I would, but why would I drag you all this way for just that? No, you're blackmail material. I’ve been told I have to keep you to make someone talk. Or give us something. I don't ask questions.”

This confused her. No one in her family was of importance who would need blackmailing. “But-“

“The man who sponsored your education here. That’s his baby. He did something stupid and now he needs to correct it. I think. Again I don't ask questions.”

Made sense. “So the baby?”

He didn’t reply and instead shuffled past her. He dropped the bag onto the couch and looked to the baby on the coffee table. She couldn’t see his face, but she was sure his face would be as expressionless as it seemed to go whenever he didn’t smile.

“Lee, the baby?”

“Took it from the babysitters. Killed the girl in the process.”

“Like you did with me.” He had killed her professor so quickly she hadn't the time to go into shock. If she could compliment him on one thing was he was good with a knife.

He turned to her, the barest expression on his face. “Yeah.”

He looked to the bed next and pointed with his good hand. “You should rest up we got a trip ahead of us tomorrow.”

“Where are we going?”

He smiled proper then. “Nowhere, I’m driving around with you is all. I’m not suppose to stay in one place cause Mr. Moneybag’s has the means to track us. I can’t link us back to my employer.”

She blinked. “Why are you telling me this.”

His smile falter for a second. Odd. “Cause I can.”

She nodded. He spoke again. “The bag has some things in it for you. Nighties and stuff. I’m suppose to treat you good.”

“I get this isn’t normal for you.”

“Not really. I think I would prefer if I was allowed to kill you.”

This didn’t scare her really. No reason to scare her. He couldn't kill her and that took away some worries. “Would you kill the baby too if you got the chance?”

“You ask that as if you think I care.”

Touché.

“What are you blackmailing him for.”

That smile on his face got wider till he was showing teeth. “Does it matter?”

She stared him down and he did not relent. She squinted her eyes and eventually gave up.

“You’re a freak.”

He shrugged and went to the bag. He threw some sort of pajama onto the bed which she knew was hers and took them to the bathroom. When she came out that god awful (yet somehow stylish) yellow suit was folded up neat onto one of the couch cushions. His shoes (which were god awful and not stylish) were tucked under the coffee table. The baby was still sleeping. Lee was already in the bed, back facing her.

A pillow was shoved down the middle of the bed and she truly felt like she was in a terrible rom-com. Two people on a road trip who weren’t involved and oh no now they had to share a bed. The worst (yet best) goddamn trope that ever graced the pages of LiveJournal and .net. She did not care.

“Awfully bold of you to just tuck into bed and turn your back to me. Could have stabbed you.” She flicked the light switch by the headboard, effectively turning off the last light source in the room.

“Awfully bold of you to assume you could kill me.” He said as she slipped into the bed.

The laid there for a while and she thought how strange this all was and yet how unperplex she was about it. She sighed deeply wanting to turn over onto her side instead of her back but felt as though the action would be too awkward.

“Hey Lee,” She whispered into the darkness. She half expected him to be asleep.

“What.” Some how he still sounded chipper.

“Why did you only get one bed?”

“Less suspicious.”

“Oh.”

A few more seconds.

“What’s the baby’s actual name?” She whispered again.

He didn’t respond right away, but eventually. “It really is Brandy.”

“That’s terrible.”

“I know.”

She closed her eyes and fell asleep.

**Author's Note:**

> please shame me
> 
> cicadaemon.tumblr.com


End file.
